


It hurts to breathe without you

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:52:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11890431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: I was sent a prompt asking for Aaron finding out Robert had been hurt while he was in Dublin and realising he didn't want to be without him. This is the result.Fits into canon except once Aaron left, Robert didn't have the conversations Rebecca and didn't take his epic fall down the stairs.Part 2 shouldn't be long.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was sent a prompt asking for Aaron finding out Robert had been hurt while he was in Dublin and realising he didn't want to be without him. This is the result.
> 
> Fits into canon except once Aaron left, Robert didn't have the conversations Rebecca and didn't take his epic fall down the stairs.
> 
> Part 2 shouldn't be long.

There’s no one around when he gets out of the taxi. It’s still early in the morning, just the way he planned. He couldn’t be doing with the fuss. He just wanted to settle back into life with the least hassle possible. Adam knew he was coming home but even he didn’t know it was today. Despite everything he feels a sense of calm as he lets himself into the flat. It’s home, even after such a short time, even after all the pain that he’s felt since they moved in.

The feeling doesn’t last long when he sees Robert’s things around the place. Adam had promised he’d get him to leave, take his things. He doesn’t want the reminder, it still hurts too much. Two weeks with his Mum and Liv have done nothing to take that away. He’s put up with the comments, mainly from his Mum, not wanting to upset Liv anymore than he had to. When they’d been alone it was a different story, he’d told her exactly what he thought of her keeping it from him. He might have understood why she stopped Robert telling him in the prison, but all that time when they were in Mauritius and she didn’t say a word. He can’t help wonder how different things might have been.

He tries calling him, wants the memories gone. He still loves him, of course he does. That’s never been the problem but he knows they can’t be together, can’t keep hurting each other over and over. He can still see the look on Robert’s face as he handed back the ring and he can’t stop touching his finger where it should be sitting. He misses it more than he wants to admit.

There’s no answer and he doesn’t know where he might be. Obviously he’s been living here but there’s no sign of him now, his car is nowhere to be seen. He walks up to Vic’s, she should know.

He should have known. Of course it would be Rebecca who answered although she looks just as uncomfortable as he does. He can’t help but be a bit glad about that.

“I'm looking for Robert. His stuff is at the flat, thought he might be here.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets, wanting to be anywhere else. He doesn’t even notice her face change.

“Oh. He’s,” She hesitates long enough for him to look up, sees that she’s obviously worried, fearful. “I thought that somebody would have called you.” There’s something gnawing at his stomach now, something like hunger but this isn’t that, this is cold dread.

“What is it?” She takes a step backwards and he realises he’s growled the words. He just can’t worry about her being apprehensive around him, because deep down he knows, something has happened to Robert. Something bad. “Rebecca, what is it? Where’s Robert?”

“He’s in hospital. Victoria’s there, maybe Adam too. I thought...I thought they would tell you. I’m sorry Aaron.”

He doesn’t wait to hear anymore, feet carrying him back down the road, not listening to her calling him. He’s heard all he needs to hear. He finds his car keys and he’s racing out of the village before he can even think. He tries calling Adam but only gets the generic recorded message because Adam’s too lazy to change it. Swearing, he puts his foot down just that bit more, hoping he doesn’t get stopped. The last thing he needs is more run-ins with the police, even if it is just for speeding.

He’s sure the journey is taking three times as long as usual despite his speed, but finally he’s pulling into a parking space. He doesn’t even bother getting a parking ticket from the machine that’s just feet away, he’s only got one thought running through his mind. Get to Robert.

He doesn’t even know where he’s going, where he might be. The last time he was here was with Finn, and the time before that...no stop it, the stupid idiot has probably just stubbed his toe or something. If he says it to himself enough maybe it’ll be true. He’s fidgeting as he waits for the woman in front of him to finish asking for directions to the cafeteria. He’s seconds away from pushing to the front and to hell with her cup of overpriced coffee, when finally she moves.

“How can I help sir?” Asks the bored looking woman behind the desk.

“I’m looking for Robert Sugden. I was told he was here.”

He thinks he gets through the _‘are you family’_ dance quite well and before long, heart racing, he’s outside the High Dependency Unit and he sees Vic and Adam with his arm around her. He has to stop and rest a hand against the wall because his chest is tight and he can’t make himself pull in enough air. He must make a noise or something because the next thing he knows, Adam’s helping him to a chair.

“What are you doing here? You’re meant to be in Dublin until tomorrow.”

“Where’s...Robert?”

“The docs are with him so they chucked us out. Here drink this.” He watches as Adam takes a glass of water from Vic and then she’s beside him, arm around him. He’s missed her these past few weeks and he tries to smile.

“Is he…” He can’t say it.

“He’s stable, that’s all they’ll tell us. He was on his way back from a meeting when someone ran into the side of him. They operated again last night and he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“Yet? How long has he been here?” He sees them look at each other. “Tell me!”

“It was the day before yesterday.”

“And neither one of you thought to tell me?” Two days Robert had been laying here in a hospital bed unconscious. Two days and no one had thought to tell him.

“You broke up with him…” He only just manages to bite his tongue, only because he knows she must be worried too.

“You mean you wouldn’t want to know if Adam was hurt?” She at least has the decency to look away. He’s being harsh, she’s worried about her brother of course she is but he can’t help it. Robert didn’t leave his side when he was hurt and now he’s been here with no one.

“You’ve not mentioned him since you left Aaron, I didn’t know what to do.” He pulls away from Adam.

“Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I don’t still care! I...I need to see him, Vic.”

She goes back along the corridor into what he guesses is Robert’s room. He looks back at Adam who’s at least looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry, mate. When you left you didn’t want to know...the state you were in, I didn’t want to...I should’ve called. How’d you find out anyway?”

Aaron can’t help but laugh, “Rebecca, of all people. Went round to Vic’s to get him to move his stuff and she answered. Just my luck.” He leant his head back against the wall, watching the quiet hustle and bustle going on around them.

“You know, he’s been avoiding her. Since you left.”

“Up to him. Not my business anymore.”

“Yeah alright mate. That’s why you’re sitting here.” Aaron doesn’t get chance to answer because Victoria is back with a doctor in tow.

“This is Robert’s...husband, Aaron.” He looks up at her hesitation, his mind already asking the question. Did he have the right to call himself that anymore. He ended it after all. Would Robert even want him here.

He only half catches what the doctor is saying, words like _‘damaged spleen’_ , _‘broken leg’_ , and _‘cracked ribs’_ floating by. It’s only now just hitting him. He’s been here before, sat here like this, only that time Paddy was by his side. It’s not the same he tells himself, it’s not. When the doctor says he can see him he just lets out a breath and nods.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The ticking of the clock is starting to get on his nerves. It’s the only sound in the room, the nurse having muted the sound of the monitors surrounding Robert. He’s been here for hours and the stubborn git hasn’t woken up. Apparently it’s common, suffering a trauma and undergoing anaesthetic can do that, but all Aaron wants is to see those green/blue eyes.

He sent Vic and Adam home, she’d been up all night so Adam said. He knew she wouldn’t stay away for long but he wanted to be on his own. To think. He’d thought, when he ended it, that he could be without him, that he’d be fine. He was just kidding himself really.

Even when he’d got back this morning he was trying to convince himself that he could do it, stay away from Robert. Like he’d ever been able to before, even when he wanted to.

He looks over at the man on the bed, tiny cuts over half of his face, he guesses from the window shattering. He could see the start of some fairly serious bruises on his chest before they disappeared under the gown he was wearing. From the seatbelt he assumed. Robert’s car didn’t have an airbag so maybe they were from the steering wheel. They were going to hurt. When he eventually woke up.

He reaches out and takes his hand. His wedding ring is missing but he can see it in a bag on the locker by the bed. He picks it up, frowning when he sees two rings. Robert had his ring on him. Did he carry it around with him all the time? Why did he think otherwise. Why did he always let that voice convince him that Robert didn’t love him the way he said he did, that the minute he left he’d go to her, would forget about him. 

“I don’t give you enough credit sometimes, do I?” He takes Robert’s ring from the bag and carefully puts it back where it belongs. He looks at his own, sitting there forlornly, alone. He knew he couldn’t put it back on but he didn’t want it sitting on some cold hospital locker, so he slipped it into his pocket to keep it safe.

“I need you to wake up Robert because I realised something as I drove here, when I had no idea what had happened, whether you were alive or not. I can’t be without you. I thought I could, I thought it was for the best. I couldn’t keep feeling that way, and no matter how many times you said it, you couldn’t ignore your son.” He stopped, swiping away a tear, checking that Robert hadn’t woken up. “I wouldn’t want you to. Whatever I think, however I feel, you’re his Dad and I know you’re going to be great. But I don’t know where that leaves us because it’s all still there, everything that caused this hasn’t gone away.”

Nothing, not a flicker from him. Aaron sighs, what was he expecting, that Robert would wake up and have all the answers.

“You know, the day we got married...I think that was the happiest I’d ever been. Despite everything that was coming, despite my little meltdown. I don’t know that anyone has ever cared enough about me to think of doing something like that. How did we manage to mess it up so badly?” He leans forward, takes Robert’s hand again. “Liv told me, what it was like while I was inside. I know you told me some of it yourself but...I don’t think I really believed it was that bad, and I’m sorry you think no one is there for you, that I’ve made you feel that way.”

There’s a knock on the door and he swings round expecting to find a doctor or nurse. He certainly wasn’t expecting to find Rebecca.

“What?”

“I had an appointment...I just wanted to...is he alright?”

“Does he look alright?” He doesn’t have it in him to try and be nice, not anymore. “He will be, I’ll make sure of it.”

“Oh, so you’re...you and him…”

“I’m his husband and he’s hurt.” It’s no one else’s business what they do. “You’ve seen him, so…” He wants her to go, doesn’t want her here when Robert wakes up, doesn’t want her here at all.

“I know you don’t like me, but...will you just give him these. I thought...well when he wakes up he might want something to read.” He nods and takes the bag from her and then she’s gone and he lets out a breath. This is what it’s going to be like isn’t it. That’s part of what he couldn’t get past. That’s what he needs to work out because today has just proved he can’t be without Robert. Not knowing anything on the drive over felt like the worst thirty minutes of his life.

He gets up to stretch his legs mind still whirling at everything that’s happened, looks out of the window at people rushing back and forth. It’s so quiet he almost misses it but something makes him turn round. Robert’s staring back at him, eyes half closed looking like he’ll fall back into unconsciousness any second.

“Alright, lazybones?”

“Aaron?” The surprise on his face makes Aaron stop because it’s clear he didn’t expect him to be here, maybe he thought he wouldn’t care anymore. “Why’re you here?”

“You’re hurt.” He shrugs, sitting back down in the chair by the bed.

“But...you were in Dublin.” The utter confusion on Robert’s face would be funny under any other circumstances.

“Yeah, and now I’m here. Got back this morning to find that you decided to play dodgems...nice homecoming present. Thanks for that.”

“Not my fault.” He mumbles, fighting sleep.

“I know, Vic told me. I sent her home. You should rest, the doctors will be all over you soon.” He grimaces, remembering his own stay only too well, never getting any peace. 

“What’s that?” He points at the bag that Aaron’s still holding.

“Rebecca dropped by, left you some magazines or something.” He’s quite proud of the way his voice doesn’t change. He’s kind of pleased when Robert frowns.

“I...sorry.”

“You didn’t ask her to come here did you? It’s just magazines. Like I said, get some rest.” It’s habit that he reaches out and brushes Robert’s hair back off his forehead. At least that’s what he tells himself.

“Stay?”

“Told Vic I’d stay til she got back.” He can’t see himself going home even then but for now it’s enough. Robert nods and closes his eyes.

*****

He did go home in the end, they all did, the doctors insisting. Mainly because Robert, being Robert, was determined not to rest while they were there, so they had to leave. He hadn’t said much to Adam and Vic as they drove home and he knew they were curious about why he’d stayed, when things had ended the way they did, but he didn’t care. That was between him and Robert.

He’s back the following afternoon, knows Robert will be alone as Vic’s working. They need to talk and he doesn’t want an audience. He’s awake when he arrives and he looks thoroughly bored. Aaron drops the two books he’s brought onto the bed, seeing Robert’s eyes light up at finally having something to pass the time.

“They were still at the flat, thought you could do with them.”

“Sorry. I’ll get Vic to get my stuff out of your way.” He doesn’t like this Robert, so quiet and flat, so eager to not say the wrong thing. 

“It’s fine. So, how are you feeling?”

“Like some prat ploughed into the side of my car, how about you? Why are you here Aaron?” For a minute he forgets that Robert wasn’t awake when he let out all his pent up feelings. “Last time I saw you, you made it pretty clear you didn’t want to see me.”

“In the half an hour it took me to get here after Rebecca told me you were here, when I didn’t know if you were even alive, I realised something. Being without you, thinking I could be without you forever...it just made me see that sometimes some things are more important.”

“And if I wasn’t here? Then what?”

“I told you I still loved you, it was never about that.”

“No but everything that it was about is still there. Rebecca’s still in the village, the baby is still there, so what’s changed, apart from you thinking I might die?” He jumps up to help as Robert winces from trying to sit up in bed. He gets waved off impatiently. “How do I know you won’t turn around tomorrow and say you can’t do it anymore.”

“You don’t, nor do I, but I want to try. I don’t want to be without you any more. It hasn’t made anything better, nothing’s changed, at least not for me?” He needs Robert to tell him. Adam has, but he needs to hear it from him.

“If you’re talking about Rebecca, I’ve hardly seen her. That’s what you want to know, isn’t it?”

“I know you’ll have to, for the baby, but...it’s not knowing, that made it worse.”

Robert nodded. “I...just think you’re reacting to all this. I’m not saying I don’t want you or us, but, it hurt Aaron, when you left. I need you to be sure.” Aaron understood that, of course he did. “Did you…” He’s looking at the ring on his finger.

“Yeah they must have given it to Vic, it was on the locker. You’re still wearing it?”

“Of course.” He looks round, panic growing in his eyes. “I had...where…”

“I’ve got it.” He digs in his pocket and shows it to him, the relief immediately visible on his face. “Figured you wouldn’t want it getting lost. You keep it with you?”

“I didn’t want it getting lost.”

“Do you mind if I keep it. I’m not...can’t put it back on yet but, can I hold on to it?”

“I’d like that.” The hesitant smile is back. It’s just not his Robert, not like him. He wants the smug confident Robert back.

“I was thinking, when you get out of here, you’re going to need help, for a while at least. Stay at the flat. I don’t know where you were…”

“Not Vic’s. I wouldn’t. B&B or Diane’s I guess. Did you forget something?” Aaron shook his head, the teasing note in Robert’s voice not going unnoticed. “Spiral staircase. How am I gonna manage that?”

“That staircase was your idea! I doubt a regular staircase would be much easier. Is the sofa comfy?”

“What?”

“I know you’ve been sleeping on it, I saw the pillow when I got home. It’s not ideal but...if you’d prefer Diane helping you, or Doug…” Robert’s horrified face is the best thing he’s seen in months and he can’t help but burst into laughter. “Sofa it is then.”

“Fine. I’ll be here a few more days anyway.”

“Plenty of time for us to talk.”

“First time for everything I suppose.” Aaron huffed out a laugh. They could do this, if they tried hard enough, he knew it. “Come here.” Aaron got up smiling, perched on the edge of the bed, let Robert pull him closer and kiss him. It wasn’t until Aaron pressed a hand to his chest that Robert pulled away. “Ow! Bruises!”

“Shit, sorry. Are you alright?”

“I think I’ll live. This is you looking after me is it?”

“Shut up.” He sat back smiling, the first real smile for weeks. Maybe they could do this. The least they could do was try.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @nooneelsecomesclose17 on tumblr. Come by and say hello!


End file.
